Layla

One of my best friend's, Cassie, lost her sweet niece Layla on January 3rd. Layla was a triplet and I was pregnant with Casen when Cassie's sister Missy had the triplets. Cassie is such a good sister and Aunt and she was so excited for the arrival of these triplets. I remember making signs with Cassie with the triplets names on them for their bedrooms. Ever since they arrived Cassie kept us updated on Layla, she was always struggling. I remember her first heart surgery and praying for that tiny sweet baby. Every time she had a surgery or was struggling Cassie would let us know and we would pray or fast for her. One time they were nervous about loosing her, I think she was about 1.5 years by then, and I asked if I could help get someone to give her a priesthood blessing. They said yes and my brother drove to the other side of Phoenix and was able to give her a blessing. She had 11 heart surgeries between the time she was born and 2.5 years old, she also survived septic shock which is what my Grandpa Luebke died from. She was a little fighter and survived so much in her life. The last 2 years of her life she was doing well, healthy and growing even though she was always little. Her passing was very unexpected and tremendously heartbreaking for their family.

My heart broke when Cassie told me the news. I couldn't hold back the tears as I thought of this sweet little girl being taken from their family. And my heart just ached for her parents. Cassie and Derek were living next to us when Ryan's Dad passed away. I remember I told Cassie that Ryan's Dad's plane had gone down and she rushed right over to be of comfort. She took Brinley (who was then only 18 months old) for me when Ryan came home and I had to tell him the situation. And they anxiously waited with us to find out the fate of his father. When we found out he had passed, they mourned with us, loved us, and supported us in anyway they could. They were our family when we needed it. Cassie is a forever friend.

My heart ached for Cassie and the loss of her niece, I know she loved her SO very much. In addition Derek (Cassie's) husband is deployed with the Air Force right now and not able to be here to comfort her and support her at this time, oh how I wish he could have been there to hug her and hold her when she found out the sad news. She also lives in SC and her sister lives in AZ so she would need to fly to AZ for the funeral, and I kept thinking of how hard that would be on her own, especially when she is grieving. Needless to say, my heart went out to her and I truly wanted to help in anyway I could. When I found out the funeral was on a Wednesday in Surprise/Scottsdale AZ and that Ryan would be in town, I really felt like I should go. Ryan definitely agreed. So I made arrangements for the kids while Ryan worked and he had them at night. I drove own Tuesday afternoon, 4.5 hrs and then met my sister Jessica for dinner and headed to bed. The next morning I got up at 5:30 and headed over to Cassie's Mom's house where her and her kids were staying. As strong as I tried to be I just broke down when Cass opened the door. I hugged her so tight and wished so badly I could take her pain away. Yet, I just didn't know what to say. I was able to watch her sweet kids, Jack and Ella while her and her Mom went over to Missy's house to be with her and help her with her kids that morning. I loved being with Jack and Ella and seeing their sweet personalities. They are both so well behaved, Cassie is an amazing mother and would do anything for her children.


A little before 9:30 it was time to head out the door... but I couldn't find my high heels ANYWHERE! Finally the kids and I said a prayer and a few minutes later we found them in the bath tub! Little Jack had put them away for me :)  We dropped Jack off at on of Cassie's, Mom's friends houses ( did you follow that?), and then Ella and I headed to Deseret book. We tried to find the perfect picture of the Savoir and a little girl. We finally decided on one (Ella picked it) but then they didn't have the right size frame! I was disappointed but decided it may be a nice thing to send later on. Ella did find a pencil she wanted to buy for her Aunt Missy though so at least we didn't leave empty handed :) Cassie didn't want Ella at the viewing and so I kept her with me until it was time for the funeral. I really enjoyed that time alone with Ella. She is so grown up now. Such a special little girl with a fun personality.

When we got to the funeral home we filled out cards that told things we loved about Layla, Ella's was so sweet. Lots of people came up to Ella to hug her and say hi (most of which I didn't know, Cass's extended family). You could tell she was a little shy and would quietly say hello. Every time she would come back and just hug my leg, and I loved it. She stayed right by my side and I loved having her be my little buddy and to be able to be with her on this day. I'm glad Cassie gave me the privilege of being with Ella.

 

 When the funeral started Ella went and sat with Cassie. It gave me time for everything to sink in. Oh what a heartache to behold the situation. To see the pictures of this beautiful happy little girl and then see the little casket in the front of the room. The anguish of a mother loosing a child is just incomprehensible to me. 

The service was given by their Uncle who is a preacher. It was very different then the LDS funerals I am used to, but very sweet. I was so glad they spoke of Layla being in heaven with the Savoir and Him calling her by name. Both of her parents spoke and it was so heartbreaking. 

 

Missy allowed me to take pictures of the funeral and reception for her. It seems so sad and uncomfortable at times to be taking pictures, and yet I know that this day that was dedicated to Layla would be one that wouldn't want to forget.

Everyone was able to lay a flower on Layla's casket. Missy went first and it was so hard to watch. There is nothing like the love of a mother for her child or like the grief of a mother when her child is taken away. So heartbroken for her.

This is Cassie (left) with her sister Missy. She is such a great sister to her and was right by her side the whole day.

This is Layla's brother and sister (below). They were so sweet looking at her pictures and writing her a note for the balloons. Poor sweet kids, I'm sure it's so hard for them to understand.

Cassie and Ella at the balloon release. Everyone wrote notes on sticky labels and then stuck them on the balloons to send up to Layla.

Layla's family getting ready for the balloon release.

Cody seemed very at peace and I was so glad. Made me cry seeing him send his balloon off to Layla. Such a sweet and solemn moment.

Once again, I felt bad even taking picturea, but Missy was so grateful to have them. This picture is just heartbreaking to me. But I loved how strong Cody was for Missy. I am sure he was dying inside, but constantly holding Missy or simply putting his hand on her back so she could feel his support. So sweet.

I love this picture... it is the hands that I love. These sweet children holding onto their Mommy's hand. I am sure she felt comfort with those little fingers wrapped around hers, yet I know one little hand is missing from this picture. But they still have their Mommy and she still has them.

Here is a picture of Cassie's family. I had heard about many of her relatives and it was neat to put names and faces together finally :)

I had to have at least one picture with Cass. I know this isn't the best... we were crouching down on the side of my car, trying to hide from the sun. Obviously didn't work and the pic is awkward and lighting is bad. But she is the reason I came down, and I am so glad I did.


After the funeral I headed home. I wish I could have stayed and help in any other way I could, but I needed to go back to my family. Four and a half hours in a car is a long time by yourself, especially after such a long and emotional day. I had a lot of time to think...

Missy read the above quote at the reception. Cassie had pinned in the morning and then Missy did too, it was later that night that Layla passed. She told all of us to enjoy every second. Cody said to play with your children and told about playing hot potato with Layla. So much to think about.

I know that days will pass so quickly, they already do. It can be so hard in the moment to just "breath and notice."  But I want to do better, so much better. I love my children so much, they are such a blessing and a joy, and time is passing too quickly with them. I can't imagine my life with out them. They are a gift. And today really is a gift. I thank Heavenly Father each morning for the new day. Life is a gift.

In addition to thinking about my children and wanting to be better, I also ofcourse reflected on our Savoir. I know HE LIVES. I know our Savoir came to earth. He lived a perfect life. A life of love and a life of service. A life dedicated to His Father. I know he atoned for our sins, for each an every one of us. He died for us, so that we could repent of our mistakes and so we could be comforted in our struggles. He died so we could live with Him again. I know that He knows us each so personally, and so does our Heavenly Father. They love us, they care about us. Our heart aches are their heart aches, and they are there waiting for us to reach out to them in prayer and allow them to lift us up and draw us closer to them. I know they love sweet Layla and welcomed her home with open arms and a loving embrace unlike any she had ever felt before. And I know they care so deeply for her family that was left behind. I hope they can turn to their their loving Heavenly Father and Savoir Jesus Christ and allow them to heal their hearts at this time when they need it the most.

Although I wish this day would never have come, I am grateful I could be part of this day, and have the chance to learn more of this beautiful girl, to see the love of her family, and to be there with Cassie, Ella, and Jack.